Thursday, January 31, 2008


You know a day's bad
when I've dropped 20 dollars
on comfort coffee.

Wednesday, January 30, 2008

Blame-shifting is the new paradigm-shifting

You never called me.
Then you called my boss and said,
"She won't return calls!"

Yeah, cover your ass.
Pretend that you tried. We're now
Opposites of friends.

Here's a friendly Corporate America tip: don't tell bold-faced lies to the superiors of people with whom you have to work. You garner yourself no favors with me by sending my boss an e-mail with the phrase "she's not returning my messages," especially after I've combed back through two weeks' worth of correspondence to confirm that you never contacted me.

Tuesday, January 29, 2008

Trials of the Great White North

I awake at six
Outside temp? Minus forty
Fire alarm rings.

Heat is not working
Canada is unfit for

It's frickin freezing in here, Mr. Bigglesworth.

Air conditioner,
It is still January.
Why are you on now?

Seriously, this desk under the air vent was awesome in August, when I was hugely pregnant. Not so much now.

My hair metal, let me show you it Your songs
make me happy at work. Yay
80's radio!

But wait, what is this?
Songs play that I've skipped before!

In which the canine reiterates a city rule for the bazillionth time

I'm trying to catch a train.
You WALK left, stand RIGHT.

Everybody in DC should know this. If you're going to set foot on the metro, escalator etiquette is a simple, observable phenomenon that it behooves everyone to pick up. No one is exempt!

On Construction

"We'll improve traffic!"
Promised with malicious smiles.
Goodbye, 14th Street ;_;

This one will make the most sense to Atlanta natives - let's just say the DoT is out to make our lives miserable until 2010:

Traffic is going to be SO hellacious for the next 2 years *sigh*

Monday, January 28, 2008

On blank subject lines

Emailers take fright:
when your words lack a subject -
killing rage incite >_<

Friday, January 25, 2008

Office 2007

Hey office Oh Seven?
How many times must I say

No really. If I
Press CTRL-C twice... EVEN THEN
I do not want it

Yeah, that's right. The fucking "Copy Panel" or whatever the fuck they call it. Has anyone ever given two shits about the last 15 things they copied? Really? Do they care enough that even after explicitly turning it off by clicking "Do not show", "Do not copy behind the scenes", and "Do not make it appear if I press CTRL-C twice" that they still mysteriously want it to show up if I press CTRL-C twice? And if they, in a spirit of spitefulness turn off that option AGAIN, do you think they want it to do THE SAME FUCKING THING THE NEXT TIME THEY OPEN THE PROGRAM?

Do you think that, Office 2007? Do you really think that? Because I really really mean it. I don't care about this feature. I don't want to see it. EVER. Do I need to agree to some more Terms of Service before you'll believe me? Because I will. Just make this damn thing go away!

On left-turn arrows and interference

Oh, Pedestrian
Is right-of-way really so
hard to understand?

Luminous red light
should stop your exodus - please
don't block left turners!

Thursday, January 24, 2008

More Google Griping

A keyboard shorcut:
'S' to share, how nice! And yet...
's' to star? The Fuck?

To those of you who subscribe to my shares... sorry about the 20 or 30 items that just appeared, many of them quite old. That would be because my habit of just hitting the S key to share an item only works if I'm also holding the fucking SHIFT key. It'd be one thing if there was any indication of what keyboard shortcuts do what, such as underling letters, but there isn't. Or! If the first letter in the phrase did the thing! Like Add Star and Share Item... but again, no. It's s and S. Obviously.

In which the canine has to shoulder past somebody who smells like gallons of perfume

Elevator peeve:
I know you want to board it
Let me get out first

In which the canine laments about one-lane parkways

The sign says twenty
But nobody drives that slow
Get with it, grandma

Standards, or a lack thereof

Inform reception
should standards not be up to
your expectations.

So reads a little sign in each of the bathroom stalls here. I had to tweak it into haiku form, but the operative words are the same - "standards up to expectations." I think the word they're looking for is "conditions" rather than "standards" unless they want to imply that any time the bathroom gets a little disheveled, they have no standards.

Connotations are
important when writing signs.
Grammar standards, please!

Wednesday, January 23, 2008

On Managerial Ineptitude

technically inept
clients should not be confused
with out of date docs.

managers who give
clients the wrong doc versions:

Google Reader

Google Reader? Thrill!
But wait, why cannot I post
Links not RSS'd?

And while on the thought,
Comment system wouldn't suck
Nor would LJ streams. :P

Yup, I love google reader. I think the sharing system is freaking brilliant, I just wish they'd do more to make it a tiny little ad-hoc community of people I like (as opposed to tiny little ad-hoc communities of Internet People), rather than a simple RSS re-feeding application. :)

Monday, January 21, 2008

Post the First - In which I start this blog off on exactly the wrong foot.

You know what's real fun?
Using Haiku to express
Displeasure at life!

By all rights my first post to this blog should involve ranting about something that ticks me off, or rubs me the wrong way - the little things in life that just aren't quite right. After all, that's the theme of 575 Pet Peeves, as the title implies. But what does the 575 mean? Well, an astute reader might realize that 5-7-5 is the format for haikus! Because what could be even more fun that ranting? Ranting in haiku format!

Did that sound rehearsed? Yeah, I think that sounded rehearsed. That's what I get for dithering over this blog format so much.

Anyway, I'm feeling contrariwise today, so instead of bitching about blogs that wander all over the map, I'm going to say how much I love blogs with a precise purpose. Sci-fi blogs should be about science fiction. Gaming blogs should be about video games. Customer service blogs should be about obnoxious service desk stories from Walmart. I've found that keeping my book ramblings confined to 7 Foot Shelves and my piano ramblings posted to 6 Inch Keys has been a refreshing lesson in de-cluttering my personal journal, while allowing people to read or contribute to the themes that interest them.

In light of that, I'm starting Focus Blog Number 3 - dedicated to all the little things in life that bug you. This isn't a blog for waxing poetic about your hideous co-workers, but it is a place where you could rant poetically (in brief) about bad usage of loop control variables. Or the sound of slurping soup. Or (just maybe, if you're me) the frustration of bad elevator algorithms. It doesn't have to be deep, and it doesn't have to be technical, but it does have to rub you the wrong way.

I'm not starting this blog as a place to get yourself worked into a righteous rage, but rather a place to vent about the annoyances so they don't rattle around in your brain or clutter up your other journals. Expressing these things in haiku is fun and a way to lighten the load. You might notice that I'm saying "your" rather a lot - that's because I want to have lots of contributors to this particular blog. I think a good pet peeve listing can benefit from different opinions and stirring rivalries. After all, I don't want this to degrade into a self-fellating bitchfest.

So if you want to be a contributor, speak now! I'll send you an invite, as well as a note on format. C'mon, you know you want a place to be scathing and sarcastic about all the little things.