Monday, November 2, 2009

On NYC taxi algorithms

In a taxi, the route that
Gets me there fastest.

Contrary driver
Instead seeks routes with most tolls.
No tip for you, sir.

Thursday, August 20, 2009


Question of my life:
How long have I not noticed
That my fly is down?

Thursday, June 25, 2009

On overly friendly dancers

My old assumption:
one party should not inspire
Facebook Friend requests.

Newly discovered:
one good dance two states distant -
even less basis.

I used to roll my eyes when someone added me as a facebook friend after meeting me once at a party. This weekend I encountered an even more extreme epidemic... dancers who you danced one or two songs with at an exchange flocking to your profile in droves. Don't get me wrong - I love great dancers, and I love having dancing contacts in different cities, but how am I supposed to keep track of all these people!?

On more important things

Today's top story:
Gubernatorial Sex.
Tabloid news at best.

Foget about the Iranian election, the DC train collision, Guantanamo Bay, or - god forbid - the fly that Obama killed. Nothing whets the appetites of Americans like a good political sex scandal!

Friday, May 29, 2009

On superfluous mailings

Email: Save ten bucks!
Sent to old customer list?
I already haz!

My third email this week telling me about a sale on software I already purchased! I do not understand the point!

Friday, May 15, 2009

On Every Developer In This Building

"Item solved!" I read!
I build, I test, I epic-fail.

(I have only been in the building for two hours. How is it that I've had problems with five different developers' code so far?)

Wednesday, May 13, 2009

When clients run out of money

Abrupt project halt –
Kicked onto the bench.

Studying for tests,
I find myself inclined to
Compose this haiku:

Bored bored bored bored bored.
Bored bored bored bored bored board board?.
Bored bored bored bored bored.

Friday, May 8, 2009

On overzealous grocery shopping

Grocery shopping:
Not smart to do while hungry.
Bought way too much food.

Monday, May 4, 2009

Hospital Hell

Dismissed by some nurse,
I did not stab her at all.
A personal best.

Seriously, who doesn't understand being worried about your kid after surgery?!? I cried in the hall, took a walk, and then was civil but firm with everyone else who spoke to me after that. The staff is aware that I am not taking that crap from anyone else.

Saturday, March 21, 2009

On Call Center Employees

I need a new phone
I spell out my full address
You still fuck it up

Absent UPS
Evidence of Epic Fail
Eat Endless Entrails

Retard in telecommunications = No phone replacement for Rob

Friday, March 13, 2009

On morning tea woes

Craving tea today -
Want nice soothing peppermint,
Instead of coffee.

Tazo, rescue me!
No caffeine indicator?
Plz die in a fire.

Seriously – what tea thinks it’s funny not to make it incredibly obvious which flavors are caffeinated and which aren’t? What a pain. At least in the time it took me to compose this, it’s probably done steeping…

Monday, February 23, 2009

Internet Radio

Last FM plays nice
With Android, which is nice buuuuuut....
It could use a pause!

Seriously, who makes an internet radio program that works like terrestrial radio? I have Play, Stop and Next. What am I supposed to do if I like the song, but want to watch a youtube video, or go pee, or discuss the flaws of mathematics with coworkers? I'm screwed!

Friday, February 20, 2009

On flame bait

Counting is easy!
Quality, not quantity
is key in haiku.

Alas, there are those
in our midst who flaunt the rules,
with five-eight-five verse.

Ridicule! Mock them!
And if that fails, deploy the

He never should have pointed out to me his final-verse foible

Tuesday, February 17, 2009

On disappointing freeware

Freeware: hit or miss.
You get just what you pay for.
Sometimes even less.

I don't expect free software to be perfect, but most of the time it seems like nobody even bothered to make sure it worked before publishing it. And why is it that the uninstaller never completely gets rid of it?

Monday, February 9, 2009

On Delayed Releases

Craving a sequel -
books shouldn't keep me waiting!
Release date is when?

It's been available for
years across the sea!

Get with it, US -
I'm not appreciative
of extreme delays.

I know I shouldn't bitch, as readers in the UK and Australia often have to wait far longer for book releases than we do, but really? Delaying two years for the US edition of a book? The second book I'm craving has been out in Australia for two years!

Thursday, February 5, 2009

On social networking

I don't have it anymore.
Facebook saw to that.

"I'll just check my wall."
But that quickly turns into,
"Where did my time go?"

Ugh... as if my time management skills weren't already terrible. Social networking will be the death of me. But at least you'll be able to follow my downfall on Twitter.

Monday, February 2, 2009

On proper abbreviation

Oh, Minnesota -
a great state somewhere up north,
or so I hear tell.

the letters would be MN -
not confusing "Min"

Kentucky, my home!
Excessive punctuation
is not in your name.

no period is required:
simply K then Y.

The Captive Network on the elevators here has the most infuriating propensity for incorrect state abbreviations. There's a whole list that I've seen, but the most irksome was "reported in Min yesterday" and "worst in Ky.'s history." We have nice straight forward abbreviations for each of our states that don't require creativity, punctuation, or confusing synonyms, thank you very much!

Thursday, January 8, 2009

Coffee Woes, Entry the 57th

Pour the sugar, count:
One two three four - the perfect
coffee cup sweetness.

Alas! Malfunction!
Sugar chunks prevent pouring -
my count is thrown off.

The end result? My over-compensation lead to overly-sweetened coffee. Le sigh.

Monday, January 5, 2009

On Delta customer service

Missed my flight today.
Overzealous gate agent
closed the door early.

“The plane is right there!”,
I said while pointing at it,
still parked at the gate.

“I’m not even late!
It’s ten minutes till take-off!”,
I argued my case.

But he wouldn’t budge.
Refused to let me on board.
Now I’m on stand-by.

Granted, I was cutting it a bit close. But I got to the gate ten minutes before departure and the friggin' door was already closed! Not because the flight was leaving early. Nope. It sat there, parked at the jetway while I argued with the gate agent for ten minutes, then took off without me.