Monday, March 31, 2008

On Gas (not flatulence)

Today's Headline Reads:
"Gas Breaks Record High (Again)."
This speaks for itself -_-

Sunday, March 30, 2008

To Manipulative Employers

You scheduled my ride
to work hours on weekends
and then you asked me

My boss called me early this afternoon and asked me if I was heading into work to make some calls today. Which was my plan anyways. He told me to call Mike, my best friend and co-worker, to see about getting a ride in(my trucks in the shop). When I call Mike, he tells me our boss told him to pick me up on his way in to work.This is for my boss for assuming my mid afternoon wasn't already booked and making my life easier. K Thx!

Friday, March 28, 2008

The Woes of Telemarketing

Waiting for hello
This machine dials for me
Leave a message, BEEP!

Some days it seems that no one is ever home. School must be out today all over the country, because I've talked to more children than answering machines. Do parents not inform their kids to say their parent is in the shower, rather than informing me that they are home alone, anymore? 18 phone calls(on a dialer that only connects me when someone picks up) and I've talked to no one for more than 30 seconds. BAH!

When what you see is not what you get

Dammit all, Blogger!
Your Wysiwyg editor
sucks HUGE donkey balls.

When I highlight all,
saying "this font" and "this size"
please don't randomize!

Blogger has some serious issues with their text editor and copy pasting. I haven't yet managed to make a post on 3 Sweet Ounces that I didn't have to re-publish 4 times because this text field barfed all over copy pasted input. It's a really serious pain in my ass.

Thursday, March 27, 2008

On lethargic data operations

Dear Apache Log,

Flowers bloom and die,
Dear server log. Rome could fall
While you try to parse.

... or save.. or open.. or zip.. all of which I need to do to you. I understand you're about 500mb of raw ascii, but it's not like we're mistreating you here. Core2 duo.. gig of ram.. you have all you could ever want. And yet you're slooooooow. It may perhaps be that because of your size, you assume you need to stretch out the time it takes you to do anything to emphasize the mystique contained within your texty depths. I assure you this is not the case. We will be just as interested in your contents whether it takes you five seconds to open, or five hours.

Just... just wake me when you're done.. ok?

my frostbite, let me show you it

Spring days in Texas:
Lovely weather outside, but
office is freezing.

A/C controlled by
coworkers who wear long sleeves.
They still say it's hot.

I wear sandals and
short sleeves. This means I use my
personal heater.

This is why business
casual is dumb. It wastes

Oh what a tangled web we weave....

Phone cords, computer
wires - tangled, convoluted...
a mess on my desk ;_;

Curly Q phone cables are the worst invention ever. Having to plug and un-plug my laptop and its various accoutrements daily is also displeasing. And my coffee's leaking.

Wednesday, March 26, 2008

On Delusions

Not to be rude, but
Saying this report has changed?
You are a LIAR.

But thanks for wasting hours of JD's and his boss's time with your delusional fantasies. Won't you have egg on your face later this afternoon when you remember the extent to which you slowly. and. condescendingly. babytalked. to. the. product. developer. of. the. company. about the way your report used to work in a dream you had last year.

On the (further) decline of the gaming industry

What? Harvest Moon Cute?
How is it possible to
Make it MORE girly??

I get an email this morning with the weekly Nintendo DS news, and one of the featured games is the game above. Seriously. Harvest Moon CUTE – “because girls want farming, too!” WTF does that even MEAN? This is already a game predominantly played by girls – did you feel the need to make it particularly degrading or what?? Christ. Screw the gaming industry right in the face.

Tuesday, March 25, 2008

On the Lindy Hops

Body - why must you
thwart me? Dancing is so fun -
but it shouldn't hurt!

After going swing dancing last night, I am reminded how much I love it. However, one particular leg muscle didn't appreciate my Suzy Qs, and now I'm too broken to walk. Cryface!

On stage banter

Intriguing intro
To the next song in this set
It's at the end why?

One of the reasons live recordings are fun is because you can hear the artist's introduction to the song, which is neat. Perhaps they will tell you about an entertaining anecdote, or regale you with tales of past glories! Perhaps it will be an enigmatic blurb that leaves you wondering what song in the artist's vast arsenal could be coming next!

And yet... recordings always put these lead-ins at the end of the previous track. Presumably, so that when listening to an album you get music immediately when you flip to the track you want. Sadly, however, that means I rarely get to hear the next song! Now I'll never know! DAMN YOU ALBUM FORMAT!

Thursday, March 20, 2008

On this recent rash of bad dreams

Eyelids feel heavy
Nightmares made last night's sleep crap
I can haz nap now?

On throwing balls at pins

Dear Muscles; bowling
should make my arm tired, right?
Why's my leg hurt, then??

Seriously - I bowled 6 games last night, so I was expecting to be kind of achy... but while my arm feels fine, my left hamstring is killing me o_O

On email scams

The subject of this
spam mail proclaims: Volksbanken

Of course I'm peevy
about spam... but that's still a
damn awesome title.

Wednesday, March 19, 2008

my Netflix queue, let me show you it

My Netflix queue is
ever-expanding. Yet I
keep adding new things!

Perhaps all jobs should
offer vacation time for
film queue management.

On Diswasher Affordances

Dishwashers can be
a tricky beast: how to tell
when clean or dirty?

At home it's easy -
red means "dirty, don't use me!"
Doesn't that make sense?

But at work, red means
"Dishes are clean! don't put in
any more dirties!"

Confused and baffled!
A cutlery explosion!
Poor Lisa panics!!

Monday, March 17, 2008

On bathroom noise

Ladies' room. Maybe
It's different for men, but here,

Seriously, I try to play nice in the womens' room. I'm a very considerate person when it comes to public restroom etiquette, from cleanliness/auditory/olfactory angles, and I expect others to extend similar courtesy. I don't want to LISTEN to the sound of you trying to poop, particularly if you're punctuating it with AUXILIARY noises coming from your THROAT. Really.

Thursday, March 13, 2008

On Distraction

So preoccupied....
neglectfully unsweeten'd,
haiku trumps coffee.

As usual, too busy debating algorithms and composing haikus to remember to put cream and sugar in my coffee. That was an unpleasant first sip.

Elevators, it's always elevators.

Warm interior,
shiny silver doors spread wide:
elevator waits.

But when I enter,
floor chosen, you do not move?
You are slow! Go up!!

There's some little glitch in the elevator algorithm at work so that if the elevator is waiting for you on the bottom floor, doors open (aka, you don't have to push the button to call it) the doors won't automagically close when you choose a floor. Of course the "close" button does nothing either... you pretty much just have to wait until someone on a higher floor calls it.

Wednesday, March 12, 2008

On vocals in trance

Trance, I love you so!
But why the voice clips that sound
like yowling felines?

Trance sure is awesome. Especially vocal trance – you know, with actual lyrics and verses and refrain. But you know what’s NOT awesome? Vocal trance that just includes little snippets of random female voices making “eeyoo” noises or what not. Jesus it drives me nuts. A prime example of this is Andy Moor - Halcyon which literally sounds like cats meowing.

More Google Griping II

A feed is feed,
Unless said feed is a friend's.
Those you cannot sort.

Google reader again. They made it automagically pick up when people in my GMail address book start using Reader, which is dandy. But the Shared Feeds so created don't go into the usual list. They go into another, special list, that displays in a totally different spot on the page. And you can't *move* them to a folder like you can with every other feed. Oh no. You can only "hide" them. But I want to read the items... I just want to read the items *in the right fucking place*.

The solution? Write an email to your friend asking them for a link to their shared items. Go ahead and include instructions, because there isn't any easy fucking way to get this information and it primarily involves a unique 20-odd digit number that only God and Google know. Once the friend figures out how to do it and responds to you, manually add their Shared Feed to your reader. Then move it to the right folder. Then Hide the original feed that was added automatically.

Sound like too much work to you? You're damn right it is.

Tuesday, March 4, 2008

On Fruit as Evidence of a Higher Power

I hear: bananas
are proof of God's existence -
shape, size, delicious!

Then, please tell me why
it's so goddamn difficult
to start the peeling?

Blech. Nothing as yucky as banana-tops pureed by stems that refuse to peel.

On the Decline of the Gaming Industry

Puzzle games - delight!
But these days it seems they're all
just another clone.

Nintendo bugged me with their weekly news letter today, linking to this game. I was at least mildly interested, the puzzle-gaming-whore that I am, until I started looking at screenshots and realized it was just a bottom-up puyo-pop/dr. robotnic's bean machine. Sigh, I say!