On 4-verse soap-boxes

Some definition
of "stuff works" - they'll never be
hardcore dev boxes!

Nevermind little
niggling things like software:
complete lack thereof.

And one button mice?
Not "revolutionary
UI," just a pain.

I can rant all day -
at least dual boot XP
for some appeasement.

Oh no you didn't!

Macs are for people
who want their stuff to just work
and look good as well.

PCs are fine if
you like pulling your hair out
each time you use it.

On fanning the flames

I'll be the first to
admit: Toshibas suck balls.
Need something better.

But, really? A mac?
Get a real box! Macs are for
pansy-ass hipsters.

On repetitive BSODs

Wow. Seven blue screens.
That has to be a record
for a single day.

Toshiba drivers
are complete pieces of crap.
Time to get a Mac.

On Misinformation

Why do you call me?
I'm not part of app support -
never have nor will.

How did you even
get a hold of my number?
Lisa is baffled ;_;

Somehow my freaking cell phone number has ended up in the support DB for the application I develop for. No idea how. The result is that I keep getting calls from hotel managers asking me where to find things and wanting to know why they can't log in. Sooo very confused.

On unobliging coffee shops

You're a coffee shop -
how can you not take credit
under 5 dollars?

Bumping my total
inevitably leads to
ham and swiss croissants.

It just seems silly not to take cards when 90% of your clientele will be spending between $2 and $4. Whenever I'm cashless I end up bumping my total over 5 bucks with a super tasty cheesy croissant - which is great, don't get me wrong, but I don't need that much fat in the morning (nor to be spending $5.88 every day at breakfast). Sigh!

Happiness on Snowy Fridays

In kitchen at work
Pile of chocolate chip cookies
Post-It note: "Eat This"

An ode to old men

"Have you lost some weight?"
Is maaaaybe appropriate
If I knew your name.

Or if you knew mine, for that matter.

I didn't want to save that anyway...

Oh, Test Director!
I mean Quality Center...
new name, but no change.

Copious lockups,
random eating of my text -
makes me want to scream.

Is it ironic that a defect-tracking software has so many defects of its own?

Helping people help themselves

My new strategy
for people who never learn:
block them on IM.

Forces them to try
thinking for themselves for once,
and gives me some peace.

A follow-up to yesterday's post about people who can't be bothered to read the documentation before pestering me. I've decided to start blocking them on IM in hopes of forcing them to go learn for themselves. Teach a man to fish, and all that. ;)

RTFM!

Am I the only
person who knows how to read
documentation?!?

Seriously guys,
at least make an effort to
learn the damn platform.

I'm all for helping my coworkers, but it's seriously starting to feel like I'm their personal Cliff's Notes. I shouldn't have to waste my time answering questions that you should know as part of your @#!%*$ job!

On unexpectedly pertinent endings

Nose full of snuffles...
Lindy exchange made me sick.
Curse germy dancers!

Perhaps the worst though:
throat feels inhabited by
Velociraptors.

On proper annotation forms

>Quoth BigPeteB, Re: On Commuting Via Automobile
>You seem to have more footnotes than you have references.

Too many footnotes?
You can't over-annotate.
Inconceivable!

On commuting via automobile: A three haiku sequence

Crisp fall wind, brimming
with color. Windows rolled down,
I shift, delighted.

Shit! Downshift and brake:
corners cause soccer moms to
hyperventilate.

Fucking SUV's
won't roll from slight breeze. Find your
accelerator.

I drive up Peachtree-Dunwoody road every day to work now. It's a stunning drive past beautiful trees - red, yellow, and brown - expensive homes, and lots of McCain-Palin signs. There are very few stop lights and overall, it's as pleasant of a drive as you can get in this traffic jammed town. Inevitably, however, some asshole in an SUV [3] decides that 35MPH on a slightly hilly and curvy ATL road is TOO DAMN SCARY AH and drives with their ass at 10 under the whole 4 mile drive.

Protip for slushbox drivers: you can, in fact, take your foot of the throttle and not have to ride your brakes the whole way down a hill. If you're a real pro, look for the D3, 2 or L on your shift column.

[0] Though not so much now.
[1] I should have cataloged their number by date as the election season wore on. It would be an amusing trend, to be sure. [2]
[2] I also swear I've noticed more Obama bumper stickers post-election than pre-. I suppose this is "winner of the Super Bowl" syndrome with regard to jerseys.
[3] Or Old(fart)smobile.

On information redundancy

Google Reader's great -
everyone can share the cool
stories and comics.

That said, a small gripe:
must all of my friends daily
share XKCD?

Don't get me wrong - I love me some XKCD, but lately I've been getting EVERY comic across 5 or 6 different shares. Maybe the real problem is that google reader needs to have better management of read/unread items between shares...

On mandatory business ethics training

Ethics training - bah!
Just wake me when it's over.
Complete waste of time.

Can I get back to
my actual job now please?
I have work to do.

Oh frenetic life:
So chocked with travail and chore
That it may well burst.

The days grow shorter
But my task list still expands.
When can I have sleep?

On SURPRISE! responsibilities

I've observed: Styx and
Stones are both well known but merged
are quite a nightmare.

Kudos to Slinky, who summed up my current work excitement quite nicely. Styx and Stones being our code branches, and the nightmare being that I suddenly found myself with ownership of the merge process. Wheee!

On ridiculous footwear

Slow walkin' women:
don't wanna stare at your ass,
get out my damn way!

The problem? Your shoes!
Heels that don't hinder your gait?
Unreasonable!

On conversion processes

Windows Explorer:
don't crash while copying files.
Eat a bag of hell!

You wouldn't believe what a pain it has been to get my old MP3s moved to my new MP3 player. Windows explorer crashing out the folders every few hours is not helping the process -_-

Over creamed, under coffee'd

Today's entry in
continuing coffee woes:
rebellious creamer.

My lack of eating utensils, let me show you it

Spaghetti for lunch!
FAIL: no forks anywhere in
the whole damn office.

OF ALL THE UNHOLY DISCOURTESIES WHILE I WAS TRYING TO PEE AND THEN WASH MY HANDS

BITCH, IF YOU EVER
HAIR-SPRAY ME IN THE BATHROOM
AGAIN, I'LL KILL YOU

On coffee disappointment

Hazelnut coffee
is not the flavor I crave.
So much less tasty.

Why not Cinnabon?
Or delicious Creme Brulee?
Brew faster, dammit!

On conversations with newly-pregnant women

Pregnant women can't
Talk about anything else.
They have one track minds.

I don't want to know
about pissing on a stick
and it turning blue.

If she mentions her
ovaries again, I swear
I will go sterile.

On being undead before caffeine

Started the coffee,
then returned to empty pot ;_;
Technology fail!

Next time remember:
No shortcuts! Worth the effort:
just use the french press.

My morning caffeine dose should not be delayed by crappy coffee makers!

On accidentally deleted files

One stupid mistake
and now all my code is lost.
Should have backed it up.

On the election

Obama wins it!
History was made tonight.
Please don't let us down.

Barack Obama becomes the 44^th president of the United States and our first black president. Here's hoping that he keeps his campaign promises and brings about real change.

On development environments

Learn to use the tools
at your disposal. That's why
we don't use Notepad.

Visual Studio provides more than pretty color coding. Learn to use it!

On Avis Rental Cars

The PT Cruiser:
So fun to drive! Makes me tall!
Good rental surprise!

But… the turn signals…
Impossible to toggle.
Lisa fat-fingers.

Turning radius:
Not so good – 3 tries to park.
A bit of a whale.

And did I mention
They fall apart? Warranty:
It’s insubstantial.