On DC Rudeness

Wish I were a bitch –
I would have kicked that hussy
Who shoved on the train.

Or perhaps snidely
remark, “thanks, buddy!” when jerks
fail to hold the door.

My two biggest metro annoyances: stupid little bints who nearly knock you over as they push to get on the train in front of you, and people who can’t be bothered to hold the door for people behind them when leaving the station. Probably a little common courtesy would kill them.

Press the button!

A feeble attempt
To pry elevator doors.
Press "DOOR OPEN," dunce!

Whenever I'm the first one in the elevator, I press and hold the "DOOR OPEN" button. That way, when someone inevitably turns the corner and quickens their pace upon sight of an open elevator--the universal indicator of their desire to board said elevator--I don't have to risk personal injury from thrusting a free limb into the closing jaws. Then, once everyone has safely boarded or there's no more room, I press "DOOR CLOSE."

I think some people just press the "CLOSE" button whenever they see anyone else coming, just out of spite.

On bathroom stalls

If I'm in stall 1,
Why'd you choose 2, and not 3?
Urinal rules, bitch!

Seriously. If you have the option of leaving a gap instead of not leaving a gap, leave a fucking gap. I don't want you to poop 36 inches from me unless it's absolutely necessary. It's not rocket science and guys figured it out a long time ago.

I feel like all of my haikus are related to public restroom etiquette. But c'mon: ladies, please.

On rude baristas

"A tall mocha, please!"
"Uh, The sizes we have are:
smaaaall, medium, laaaarge."

From Caribou Coffee last night... I don't think the transcribed text of this conversation really does justice to the absolute smug rudeness with which it was delivered. The woman was seriously nasty about what basically equates to a slip of habit. What I should have said was "Well, if you're going to be rude about it, I'll just go somewhere that doesn't mind how I order my coffee! *grin*" instead I was so baffled at her nasty tone that I just kind of blinked and handed her my money.

Sigh.