On coding screw-ups

Hear Ye, Dumbass Dev:
Regular Expressions should
not be abused! Bad!!

Way to go, buddy, you totally screwed over the mobile application’s ability to scan Item Barcodes. That was clever. In the future please do not use completely broken regular expressions; I don’t care if Java can sort them out and make sense of them - .Net can’t. Pedantry is your friend in this particular situation.

On Purveyances Between Floors

Variable speed
escalators: not funny.
Surprise! Fall over!

Anyone else getting crazier every day?

My Brains Scatterd
Slowly mind my losing I'm
What the hell was that!

I'm Just losing my mind in general. Nuff Said!

On written ineptitude

How can you write so
badly? I don’t understand.
Worst. Grammar. Evar.

I don't understand how some people can be so inept when it comes to written language. I've been revising these guides for this guy for months, hand holding constantly... and he still doesn't get the concept of "don't use technical terms. Use informal second person constructs. These are guides for low level users - you need to tell them 'and next you do this. Now you do this' if they're going to get it." I give up. I'm just going to write the final draft myself, it'll be so much less painful.

Edit - oh the irony! That I can't manage syllables, when I'm bitching about grammar!

Need Coffee Now!

Sleep overcomes me
Waiting for coffee to cool
Please don't burn my tongue

I hate waiting for my coffee to cool! I don't need coffee in 15 minutes, I need it now! Hmm, i think I'm going to be tired in 15 minutes so I should go get coffee...that just doesn't work!

Boogers in Bathrooms

I stand, dick in hand.
Overshadowing relief,
booger wiped on wall!

Why on earth would you wipe a booger on the wall ANYWHERE! Especially somewhere someone will have to stand and gaze at it numerous times during the day! Theres toilet paper, paper towels, a trash can, a sink and a toilet within 6 feet of you. Be considerate! If you're really that lazy, there's a mere inches distance between your nose and your mouth, that's less repulsive than your current choice to place it.

Automatic flush,
please stop stealing the cover.
Needs calibration.

I'm not sure that haiku made much sense, but in my defense I'm awfully tired. Anyway - the toilets at the client site were the worst calibrated auto flushers ever... A trip to the bathroom usually involved having to dodge 4 or more flushes, while still trying to get a toilet seat cover down (boy did they need it) and not have it flushed away before you could sit on it. Acrobatics ensue.

My grumpiness - let me show you it

Oh, I'm sorry - by
3 days notice, I really
meant 2 days notice!

Even better than surprise travel - it's EXTRA surprise travel! Now I get to go Wednesday-Thursday! On the bright side, I get to spitefully kick their travel budget in the face since a flight the day before runs a lovely $700! Look at all those exclamation points, I must be so excited -_-

On suprise travel

You know what's not cool?
Three days notice for a trip.
Goodbye, this week's plans!

Have I mentioned how much I don't appreciate being told first thing Monday that I need to be in Miami on Thursday and Friday? Have I mentioned how much more I don't appreciate it when it's my Tester overhearing rumors and letting me know, rather than my PM bothering to tell me? And how I doubly don't appreciate it when I already have Big Plans for Wednesday, Thursday and Friday? Piss.

Sick on the weekends

Anticipating
adventurous weekend days,
to fall ill instead.

I had great intentions of having an awesome weekend outside only to awaken Saturday with a crappy cough and mild fever that lasted me tillI woke up monday morning...WTF!?! (there's your punctuation Lisa)

On Pronunciation

The words 'angst' and 'aunt'
Don't share vowel sounds with 'ought'
You pretentious twat.

The death of a loved one

My lunchbox handle
Has broken beyond repair.
I am oh so sad!

On Punctuation:
I assure you a single
mark does the job fine.

But three question marks
is a bit overzealous.
Not Necessary!?!

I don't think that a defect whose status has been erroneously set to "fixed" instead of "retest" does not necessitate multiple question marks (and the baffled implications that go hand in hand with them) when you IM me about it -_-

On wearing white

How does food DO that??
Is there special attraction
to pristine white skirts?

I swear to god, it doesn't matter how careful I am - if I'm wearing white I will get something non-white on it. This morning a drippy coffee lid was to blame; I couldn't even have prevented it ;_;

Mistyped, but not misspelled

Spellcheck is no good
When the word that I misspelled
Is another word

And why is it that I only catch those kind of substitution mistakes in emails to my co-workers the second after I hit the "send" button? Argh! At least they already know that I'm goofy from my tendency to take meeting notes in crayon and stuff.