On overly friendly dancers

My old assumption:
one party should not inspire
Facebook Friend requests.

Newly discovered:
one good dance two states distant -
even less basis.

I used to roll my eyes when someone added me as a facebook friend after meeting me once at a party. This weekend I encountered an even more extreme epidemic... dancers who you danced one or two songs with at an exchange flocking to your profile in droves. Don't get me wrong - I love great dancers, and I love having dancing contacts in different cities, but how am I supposed to keep track of all these people!?

OF ALL THE UNHOLY DISCOURTESIES WHILE I WAS TRYING TO PEE AND THEN WASH MY HANDS

BITCH, IF YOU EVER
HAIR-SPRAY ME IN THE BATHROOM
AGAIN, I'LL KILL YOU

On bathroom noise

Ladies' room. Maybe
It's different for men, but here,
CUT OUT THAT GRUNTING.

Seriously, I try to play nice in the womens' room. I'm a very considerate person when it comes to public restroom etiquette, from cleanliness/auditory/olfactory angles, and I expect others to extend similar courtesy. I don't want to LISTEN to the sound of you trying to poop, particularly if you're punctuating it with AUXILIARY noises coming from your THROAT. Really.

Blame-shifting is the new paradigm-shifting

You never called me.
Then you called my boss and said,
"She won't return calls!"

Yeah, cover your ass.
Pretend that you tried. We're now
Opposites of friends.

Here's a friendly Corporate America tip: don't tell bold-faced lies to the superiors of people with whom you have to work. You garner yourself no favors with me by sending my boss an e-mail with the phrase "she's not returning my messages," especially after I've combed back through two weeks' worth of correspondence to confirm that you never contacted me.

On blank subject lines

Emailers take fright:
when your words lack a subject -
killing rage incite >_<

In which the canine has to shoulder past somebody who smells like gallons of perfume

Elevator peeve:
I know you want to board it
Let me get out first