575 Pet Peeves

On Holidays at the Office

2011-12-27T10:39:00.002-05:00

Empty cubicles,
dark hallways, locked offices.
My keyboard echoes.

I answer the phones,
and swear next year, I will save
some vacation days.

Back to the airport grind

2011-10-03T07:41:00.000-04:00

Alarm clock failure!
Hurry, fight traffic, rush through
security lines.

Next week up early;
No crowds, no cars - it's a breeze.
Hurry up and wait.

On heartbreak

2011-09-07T17:25:00.001-04:00

Crying once again.
I know I'm better off now,
but tell my hear that.

In which waiting for a reaction is discussed.

2011-03-02T22:43:00.004-05:00

Skype says she's online
And yet, she does not respond.
Alas, I miss her.

For some reason Skype does a poor job of notifying people when they've been messaged sometimes, and I feel rude just video-calling someone without first establishing a hello via simple text. . .so there are these weird, extended pauses before Skype conversations while I wait for people to notice that I've sent them a Skype IM.

JUST LET US DO OUR JOBS ALREADY.

2011-02-11T13:06:00.002-05:00

Hurry up and wait:
the motto of the Air Force.
we just spin our wheels.

7 A.M. start time.
Might be on the jet at noon.
this is some bullshit.

dear big metal bird
stop breaking, you selfish bitch
we have work to do.

On forcing things forward

2010-12-17T14:40:00.002-05:00

Making decisions
that involve other people
is frought with peril.

Even when I think
I have them all figured out,
they throw a curve ball.

Sudden awkwardness,
an unexpected response,
leaves us both confused.

And so, lesson learned:
Don't try to force things forward.
Just let it happen.

On Furious Fowl

2010-12-14T17:51:00.001-05:00

Parabolic path,
swerving off before impact.
Toucans are the worst.

On being distracted by cold hard cash

2010-12-13T15:06:00.003-05:00

Fuck you, ATM!
You made me insert my card,
and I forgot it.

You know what they say,
"Out of sight and out of mind."
So it's all your fault.

Seriously, why do they still make those ATMs that suck in your card anymore? The swiping kind seem much more simple and don't risk people leaving their cards behind.

On Home Ownership

2010-11-22T10:57:00.004-05:00

Dread sewage pipes break,
clog. Evil Birds. Ants. AC.
Is that mold? Let's rent.

On returning to the office

2010-11-22T10:12:00.001-05:00

Oh dear vacation
That halcyon time of yore
Now I start Outlook

Sometimes, my fellow Christians embarass me to the point of rage.

2010-11-01T00:25:00.004-04:00

A sin on Sunday,
Is a sin the whole week long.
crazy hypocrites.

Christians are dumb;
Why would you move Halloween?
just leave it alone!

I have a mountain
Of candy, worth a fortune.
and no-one to feed.

My poor coworkers:
I bring sweets. Anyone have
some spare insulin?

So apparently they claimed it was for safety (as if pedophiles aren't allowed to come outside on Saturday or something?) but my crazy paper (Dear Macon Telegraph: fuck you) pushed everyone to trick-or-treat yesterday while I was in Atlanta.

So now I've got a fuck-ton of candy that is coming to work with me tomorrow.

-_-

On Operating System Features, New

2010-10-20T17:03:00.003-04:00

New Android features,
often great! Muted ringtones
Surprise! I. . .wait, wat?

I've been sitting here for the past half hour waiting on a call from a Software Manager to arrange a meetup and look over some test results.

I turned the ringer up to max volume and plugged my Droid into my laptop so I could use PDAnet, because tethering is awesome. However, apparently there's a feature where my phone mutes the ringer while it's plugged in? I'm not sure why.

Cue missed phone call and voicemail from a phone six inches from my hand. Cue sad Patrick.

On late nights and long days

2010-10-20T14:42:00.004-04:00

Staying out all night
partying like a rock star
makes a happy James.

But work the next day,
fighting just to stay awake
is no fun at all.

Still, I can't resist
the lure of good times with friends.
I'll sleep when I'm dead.

On futher coffe incidents

2010-10-20T10:05:00.003-04:00

The sugar packets
raining down, fall from the shelf.
Klutziness prevails.

"Miss the cup!" I cry,
but alas coffee splashes -
goodbye, sweet nectar!

Pants splatter pattern?
That's insult to injury -
sugarless and stained.

(I hate the mornings when the coffee fights back.)

On my poor, goofy dog

2010-08-13T10:29:00.003-04:00

Fat, sassy chipmunks
hanging out in my garden
make Steinway crazy.

He bounces and huffs -
Dash! Go get the fluffy fiend!
....wrong direction, boy.

My dog - he is cute,
but not so smart. He will just
lick them anyway.

(Steinway has chased the chipmunks about eleventy-zillion times. He has cornered one exactly once, and when he did he just stood there wagging his tail and grinning about it, debating whether he could tongue-bath it).

On desperately needing to buy groceries

2010-06-09T09:21:00.002-04:00

Cream, creamer, irish:
Not one coffee enhancer
to brighten my morn.

Bereft of Butter,
olive oil is MIA,
cooking travesty.

On disappearing data

2010-05-26T16:05:00.002-04:00

Come back, review draft!
I am a slack updater
without failing tech.

I went to post a book review that I wrote a couple of weeks ago, and it has disappeared without a trace. Guess that's what I use for using outlook to draft reviews. Cryface ;_;

On admitting I have a problem

2010-04-13T23:30:00.002-04:00

iPhone addiction
I must overcome. Oh, wait
There's an App for that.

Confession: I didn't come up with this one, but it definitely applies to me.

On Pining for Real Cream

2010-03-18T09:05:00.001-04:00

Non-dairy creamer;
Powder’d heathen substitute
Why taste you so bad?

Coffee profaneth;
Shopping negligence punished -
You make me so sad.

On you sick fuckers

2010-03-08T10:23:00.000-05:00

Confined to my bed
Wallowing in self-pity
Won't share drinks again.

On Poor Publication Practices

2010-03-03T16:29:00.001-05:00

Publishers should not
Deceive unwitting readers.
Number your series!

This weekend I started a book that turned out to be second in a series. Nowhere on the book did it say “book two” or “sequel.” I’ve noticed this trend a lot lately (ex: “A Harry Dresden Novel” instead of “Book 4 of Harry Dresden”). There aren’t words for how annoyed this makes me. Rawr!

On Cheap Furniture

2010-02-05T11:09:00.003-05:00

Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck
My back really hurts today
Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck

Mart of Darkness

2010-01-14T11:53:00.003-05:00

Clothes shopping trials.
Hours spent in vain to fit
Awkward proportions.

My only options:
Have Three-quarter length sleeves or
Voluminous cloth.

-----
Last night I bounced between countless outlets, malls, shops, over the course of about four hours trying to find a coat. One that would fit. And would be in my size. I did not believe at the outset that it would be the tribulation that was soon upon me. At the very end of the night, however, I finally happened upon one that I liked and also fit. Sometimes it sucks to be a skinny, long limbed, boy.

(Open Item: Why does the 38 have shorter sleeves than the 36?? It makes no sense.)

On airport sinks

2010-01-06T13:08:00.003-05:00

Flail, flail, flail... give up
Move down. Flail, wave, splash. Wettish.
Soap and towels? HAH.

For months I went to the airport every week to pick Lisa up from New York, and during that time my struggle with the bathroom sinks went from "annoying" to "full on rage". Never once did the first (of, admittedly, like 30) sink I tried work. Once I finally found one whose motion controls functioned to some limited degree, I'd then have to go through the same ritual for soap. Then the sink dance again (a couple times really, since you only get 1 second of water per 20 seconds of flapping your hand around like an epileptic hand model) and then, finally, the long walk to the towel dispensers (also motion activated!) which, blessedly, are reasonably simple to get functioning.

But seriously, what possible advantage does this setup grant the airport? Expensive motion sensors on every faucet and soap dispenser in the whole airport and in return they get more people who probably don't bother washing their hands because it's a fucking hassle and that means even more sick people in a place already awash (ha!) with them. I want those metal timer push-button faucet dealies back dammit.

On Medical Woes

2010-01-06T12:27:00.003-05:00

I just remembered I have both been writing complaint haikus lately AND am a member of a site that is a repository for complaint haikus. Fancy the coincidence! A chain from about a month ago...

So sick and in pain
All the time. At least I am
Healthy on paper.

Tests, cultures, blood work;
All negative, counts normal,
So why feel like death?

Bucket of meds, though,
Throw pills at it til it's fixed.
That should prob'ly work!

Sigh.

On NYC taxi algorithms

2009-11-02T10:06:00.002-05:00

Optimization:
In a taxi, the route that
Gets me there fastest.

Contrary driver
Instead seeks routes with most tolls.
No tip for you, sir.

Sigh

2009-08-20T18:04:00.001-04:00

Question of my life:
How long have I not noticed
That my fly is down?

On overly friendly dancers

2009-06-25T14:55:00.003-04:00

My old assumption:
one party should not inspire
Facebook Friend requests.

Newly discovered:
one good dance two states distant -
even less basis.

I used to roll my eyes when someone added me as a facebook friend after meeting me once at a party. This weekend I encountered an even more extreme epidemic... dancers who you danced one or two songs with at an exchange flocking to your profile in droves. Don't get me wrong - I love great dancers, and I love having dancing contacts in different cities, but how am I supposed to keep track of all these people!?

On more important things

2009-06-25T10:43:00.002-04:00

Today's top story:
Gubernatorial Sex.
Tabloid news at best.

Foget about the Iranian election, the DC train collision, Guantanamo Bay, or - god forbid - the fly that Obama killed. Nothing whets the appetites of Americans like a good political sex scandal!

On superfluous mailings

2009-05-29T09:47:00.002-04:00

Email: Save ten bucks!
Sent to old customer list?
I already haz!

My third email this week telling me about a sale on software I already purchased! I do not understand the point!

On Every Developer In This Building

2009-05-15T11:07:00.002-04:00

"Item solved!" I read!
I build, I test, I epic-fail.
CHECK IN YOUR DAMN CHANGE.

(I have only been in the building for two hours. How is it that I've had problems with five different developers' code so far?)

When clients run out of money

2009-05-13T16:17:00.001-04:00

Abrupt project halt –
Unceremoniously
Kicked onto the bench.

Studying for tests,
I find myself inclined to
Compose this haiku:

Bored bored bored bored bored.
Bored bored bored bored bored board board?.
Bored bored bored bored bored.

On overzealous grocery shopping

2009-05-08T19:49:00.000-04:00

Grocery shopping:
Not smart to do while hungry.
Bought way too much food.

Hospital Hell

2009-05-04T11:06:00.003-04:00

Dismissed by some nurse,
I did not stab her at all.
A personal best.

Seriously, who doesn't understand being worried about your kid after surgery?!? I cried in the hall, took a walk, and then was civil but firm with everyone else who spoke to me after that. The staff is aware that I am not taking that crap from anyone else.

On Call Center Employees

2009-03-21T10:29:00.004-04:00

I need a new phone
I spell out my full address
You still fuck it up

Absent UPS
Evidence of Epic Fail
Eat Endless Entrails

Retard in telecommunications = No phone replacement for Rob

On morning tea woes

2009-03-13T09:04:00.001-04:00

Craving tea today -
Want nice soothing peppermint,
Instead of coffee.

Tazo, rescue me!
No caffeine indicator?
Plz die in a fire.

Seriously – what tea thinks it’s funny not to make it incredibly obvious which flavors are caffeinated and which aren’t? What a pain. At least in the time it took me to compose this, it’s probably done steeping…

Internet Radio

2009-02-23T10:39:00.003-05:00

Last FM plays nice
With Android, which is nice buuuuuut....
It could use a pause!

Seriously, who makes an internet radio program that works like terrestrial radio? I have Play, Stop and Next. What am I supposed to do if I like the song, but want to watch a youtube video, or go pee, or discuss the flaws of mathematics with coworkers? I'm screwed!

On flame bait

2009-02-20T11:48:00.002-05:00

Counting is easy!
Quality, not quantity
is key in haiku.

Alas, there are those
in our midst who flaunt the rules,
with five-eight-five verse.

Ridicule! Mock them!
And if that fails, deploy the
velociraptors.

He never should have pointed out to me his final-verse foible…

On disappointing freeware

2009-02-17T23:13:00.001-05:00

Freeware: hit or miss.
You get just what you pay for.
Sometimes even less.

I don't expect free software to be perfect, but most of the time it seems like nobody even bothered to make sure it worked before publishing it. And why is it that the uninstaller never completely gets rid of it?

On Delayed Releases

2009-02-09T11:01:00.002-05:00

Craving a sequel -
books shouldn't keep me waiting!
Release date is when?

Incredulity!
It's been available for
years across the sea!

Get with it, US -
I'm not appreciative
of extreme delays.

I know I shouldn't bitch, as readers in the UK and Australia often have to wait far longer for book releases than we do, but really? Delaying two years for the US edition of a book? The second book I'm craving has been out in Australia for two years!

On social networking

2009-02-05T08:51:00.000-05:00

Productivity:
I don't have it anymore.
Facebook saw to that.

"I'll just check my wall."
But that quickly turns into,
"Where did my time go?"

Ugh... as if my time management skills weren't already terrible. Social networking will be the death of me. But at least you'll be able to follow my downfall on Twitter.

On proper abbreviation

2009-02-02T13:23:00.002-05:00

Oh, Minnesota -
a great state somewhere up north,
or so I hear tell.

Abbreviated,
the letters would be MN -
not confusing "Min"

Kentucky, my home!
Excessive punctuation
is not in your name.

Abbreviated,
no period is required:
simply K then Y.

The Captive Network on the elevators here has the most infuriating propensity for incorrect state abbreviations. There's a whole list that I've seen, but the most irksome was "reported in Min yesterday" and "worst in Ky.'s history." We have nice straight forward abbreviations for each of our states that don't require creativity, punctuation, or confusing synonyms, thank you very much!

Coffee Woes, Entry the 57th

2009-01-08T09:16:00.002-05:00

Pour the sugar, count:
One two three four - the perfect
coffee cup sweetness.

Alas! Malfunction!
Sugar chunks prevent pouring -
my count is thrown off.

The end result? My over-compensation lead to overly-sweetened coffee. Le sigh.

On Delta customer service

2009-01-05T11:44:00.000-05:00

Missed my flight today.
Overzealous gate agent
closed the door early.

“The plane is right there!”,
I said while pointing at it,
still parked at the gate.

“I’m not even late!
It’s ten minutes till take-off!”,
I argued my case.

But he wouldn’t budge.
Refused to let me on board.
Now I’m on stand-by.

Granted, I was cutting it a bit close. But I got to the gate ten minutes before departure and the friggin' door was already closed! Not because the flight was leaving early. Nope. It sat there, parked at the jetway while I argued with the gate agent for ten minutes, then took off without me.

On the new Prince of Persia game

2008-12-19T13:18:00.002-05:00

Prince of Persia - Yay!
I've been waiting for years to
play the new sequel.

But wait - what's this crap?!?
Everything looks cartoony.
And bad voice acting.

Where are the bad guys?
The whole game is deserted.
Just one boss per world.

One or two puzzles
here and there, but not like in
the previous games.

Collecting "light seeds"
feels like Mario Galaxy.
Star bits, anyone?

There's still wall running,
but crawling on the ceiling?!?
That might be a stretch.

The male lead is not
even a prince! The writers
missed the game's title.

I could go on and on like this, but I won't. Basically, the new Prince of Persia game is a complete departure from the franchise. The story line is garbage, all the best gameplay elements (fighting, puzzle solving) have been removed, and the new art style makes it look like a Japanese RPG or superhero game. Very disappointed. :(

2008-12-18T10:07:00.003-05:00

New Google Reader:
If I click the bottom of
Long item? Don't Move!

I click and highlight while I read online. The new Google Reader formatting has a "quirk" where if an article is longer than a page, and I click on it, it'll jump to the top of the damn article. So I scroll to where I was reading, click to mentally mark my spot (I guess? I don't really know why I do this) and it jumps to the top again!

Murder!

On picking up where we left off...

2008-12-07T01:08:00.001-05:00

Sorry for the wait.
My PC has been broken
for almost two weeks.

The drivers are fucked.
Windows Update is a joke.
Just want to shoot it.

At this point I'd say
Macs are looking pretty good.
At least in my view.

No driver problems.
No viruses to speak of.
And oh so pretty.

On 4-verse soap-boxes

2008-11-28T11:40:00.005-05:00

Some definition
of "stuff works" - they'll never be
hardcore dev boxes!

Nevermind little
niggling things like software:
complete lack thereof.

And one button mice?
Not "revolutionary
UI," just a pain.

I can rant all day -
at least dual boot XP
for some appeasement.

Oh no you didn't!

2008-11-27T15:02:00.000-05:00

Macs are for people
who want their stuff to just work
and look good as well.

PCs are fine if
you like pulling your hair out
each time you use it.

On fanning the flames

2008-11-26T10:56:00.003-05:00

I'll be the first to
admit: Toshibas suck balls.
Need something better.

But, really? A mac?
Get a real box! Macs are for
pansy-ass hipsters.

On repetitive BSODs

2008-11-26T02:50:00.004-05:00

Wow. Seven blue screens.
That has to be a record
for a single day.

Toshiba drivers
are complete pieces of crap.
Time to get a Mac.

On Misinformation

2008-11-21T10:05:00.002-05:00

Why do you call me?
I'm not part of app support -
never have nor will.

How did you even
get a hold of my number?
Lisa is baffled ;_;

Somehow my freaking cell phone number has ended up in the support DB for the application I develop for. No idea how. The result is that I keep getting calls from hotel managers asking me where to find things and wanting to know why they can't log in. Sooo very confused.

On unobliging coffee shops

2008-11-21T09:23:00.002-05:00

You're a coffee shop -
how can you not take credit
under 5 dollars?

Bumping my total
inevitably leads to
ham and swiss croissants.

It just seems silly not to take cards when 90% of your clientele will be spending between $2 and $4. Whenever I'm cashless I end up bumping my total over 5 bucks with a super tasty cheesy croissant - which is great, don't get me wrong, but I don't need that much fat in the morning (nor to be spending $5.88 every day at breakfast). Sigh!

Happiness on Snowy Fridays

2008-11-21T08:37:00.002-05:00

In kitchen at work
Pile of chocolate chip cookies
Post-It note: "Eat This"

An ode to old men

2008-11-20T15:50:00.002-05:00

"Have you lost some weight?"
Is maaaaybe appropriate
If I knew your name.

Or if you knew mine, for that matter.

I didn't want to save that anyway...

2008-11-20T12:58:00.002-05:00

Oh, Test Director!
I mean Quality Center...
new name, but no change.

Copious lockups,
random eating of my text -
makes me want to scream.

Is it ironic that a defect-tracking software has so many defects of its own?

Helping people help themselves

2008-11-19T12:19:00.003-05:00

My new strategy
for people who never learn:
block them on IM.

Forces them to try
thinking for themselves for once,
and gives me some peace.

A follow-up to yesterday's post about people who can't be bothered to read the documentation before pestering me. I've decided to start blocking them on IM in hopes of forcing them to go learn for themselves. Teach a man to fish, and all that. ;)

RTFM!

2008-11-18T17:51:00.002-05:00

Am I the only
person who knows how to read
documentation?!?

Seriously guys,
at least make an effort to
learn the damn platform.

I'm all for helping my coworkers, but it's seriously starting to feel like I'm their personal Cliff's Notes. I shouldn't have to waste my time answering questions that you should know as part of your @#!%*$ job!

On unexpectedly pertinent endings

2008-11-18T16:52:00.003-05:00

Nose full of snuffles...
Lindy exchange made me sick.
Curse germy dancers!

Perhaps the worst though:
throat feels inhabited by
Velociraptors.

On proper annotation forms

2008-11-18T16:47:00.002-05:00

>Quoth BigPeteB, Re: On Commuting Via Automobile
>You seem to have more footnotes than you have references.

Too many footnotes?
You can't over-annotate.
Inconceivable!

On commuting via automobile: A three haiku sequence

2008-11-17T15:12:00.005-05:00

Crisp fall wind, brimming
with color. Windows rolled down,
I shift, delighted.

Shit! Downshift and brake:
corners cause soccer moms to
hyperventilate.

Fucking SUV's
won't roll from slight breeze. Find your
accelerator.

I drive up Peachtree-Dunwoody road every day to work now. It's a stunning drive past beautiful trees - red, yellow, and brown - expensive homes, and lots of McCain-Palin signs. There are very few stop lights and overall, it's as pleasant of a drive as you can get in this traffic jammed town. Inevitably, however, some asshole in an SUV [3] decides that 35MPH on a slightly hilly and curvy ATL road is TOO DAMN SCARY AH and drives with their ass at 10 under the whole 4 mile drive.

Protip for slushbox drivers: you can, in fact, take your foot of the throttle and not have to ride your brakes the whole way down a hill. If you're a real pro, look for the D3, 2 or L on your shift column.

[0] Though not so much now.
[1] I should have cataloged their number by date as the election season wore on. It would be an amusing trend, to be sure. [2]
[2] I also swear I've noticed more Obama bumper stickers post-election than pre-. I suppose this is "winner of the Super Bowl" syndrome with regard to jerseys.
[3] Or Old(fart)smobile.

On information redundancy

2008-11-17T14:30:00.003-05:00

Google Reader's great -
everyone can share the cool
stories and comics.

That said, a small gripe:
must all of my friends daily
share XKCD?

Don't get me wrong - I love me some XKCD, but lately I've been getting EVERY comic across 5 or 6 different shares. Maybe the real problem is that google reader needs to have better management of read/unread items between shares...

On mandatory business ethics training

2008-11-14T19:51:00.002-05:00

Ethics training - bah!
Just wake me when it's over.
Complete waste of time.

Can I get back to
my actual job now please?
I have work to do.

2008-11-13T12:30:00.004-05:00

Oh frenetic life:
So chocked with travail and chore
That it may well burst.

The days grow shorter
But my task list still expands.
When can I have sleep?

On SURPRISE! responsibilities

2008-11-13T11:25:00.003-05:00

I've observed: Styx and
Stones are both well known but merged
are quite a nightmare.

Kudos to Slinky, who summed up my current work excitement quite nicely. Styx and Stones being our code branches, and the nightmare being that I suddenly found myself with ownership of the merge process. Wheee!

On ridiculous footwear

2008-11-13T10:20:00.003-05:00

Slow walkin' women:
don't wanna stare at your ass,
get out my damn way!

The problem? Your shoes!
Heels that don't hinder your gait?
Unreasonable!

On conversion processes

2008-11-12T14:20:00.002-05:00

Windows Explorer:
don't crash while copying files.
Eat a bag of hell!

You wouldn't believe what a pain it has been to get my old MP3s moved to my new MP3 player. Windows explorer crashing out the folders every few hours is not helping the process -_-

Over creamed, under coffee'd

2008-11-11T09:41:00.001-05:00

Today's entry in
continuing coffee woes:
rebellious creamer.

My lack of eating utensils, let me show you it

2008-11-10T17:07:00.003-05:00

Spaghetti for lunch!
FAIL: no forks anywhere in
the whole damn office.

OF ALL THE UNHOLY DISCOURTESIES WHILE I WAS TRYING TO PEE AND THEN WASH MY HANDS

2008-11-10T14:44:00.002-05:00

BITCH, IF YOU EVER
HAIR-SPRAY ME IN THE BATHROOM
AGAIN, I'LL KILL YOU

On coffee disappointment

2008-11-10T09:09:00.002-05:00

Hazelnut coffee
is not the flavor I crave.
So much less tasty.

Why not Cinnabon?
Or delicious Creme Brulee?
Brew faster, dammit!

On conversations with newly-pregnant women

2008-11-08T18:29:00.004-05:00

Pregnant women can't
Talk about anything else.
They have one track minds.

I don't want to know
about pissing on a stick
and it turning blue.

If she mentions her
ovaries again, I swear
I will go sterile.

On being undead before caffeine

2008-11-07T11:27:00.002-05:00

Started the coffee,
then returned to empty pot ;_;
Technology fail!

Next time remember:
No shortcuts! Worth the effort:
just use the french press.

My morning caffeine dose should not be delayed by crappy coffee makers!

On accidentally deleted files

2008-11-05T17:38:00.001-05:00

One stupid mistake
and now all my code is lost.
Should have backed it up.

On the election

2008-11-05T00:47:00.002-05:00

Obama wins it!
History was made tonight.
Please don't let us down.

Barack Obama becomes the 44^th president of the United States and our first black president. Here's hoping that he keeps his campaign promises and brings about real change.

On development environments

2008-11-04T17:35:00.004-05:00

Learn to use the tools
at your disposal. That's why
we don't use Notepad.

Visual Studio provides more than pretty color coding. Learn to use it!

On Avis Rental Cars

2008-11-04T11:15:00.000-05:00

The PT Cruiser:
So fun to drive! Makes me tall!
Good rental surprise!

But… the turn signals…
Impossible to toggle.
Lisa fat-fingers.

Turning radius:
Not so good – 3 tries to park.
A bit of a whale.

And did I mention
They fall apart? Warranty:
It’s insubstantial.

On Visual Studio Lag

2008-10-23T13:25:00.002-04:00

Remote Desktop takes
9 seconds to change tabs in
my damn IDE.

I literally can't change to a different file view without a multi-second wait. I'm just about livid with frustration at the lag.

2008-10-22T17:37:00.002-04:00

What's a girl gotta
do, just to get some help here?
Time to suck dick now.

Seriously - I don't know what the senior folks on this project do all day. I'm completely blocked until I can talk to one of them... one's been stuck in a meeting for 3 hours, and the other 2 are entirely MIA. It's goddamn infuriating.

On Pandora, the Music Player

2008-09-26T14:06:00.002-04:00

Pandora! Clever,

Mostly, but I'll never like

Blink 182.

So stop trying to feed it to my ears.

2008-09-26T13:48:00.003-04:00

Construction outside
my office window makes my
concentration die!

Ok, so the sound of jackhammering will inevitably be for the greater good for the most part, but any chance at my being productive today has gone down the toilet.

On Automatic Car Locks

2008-09-23T09:52:00.003-04:00

Rental car locks the
doors when I start the engine.
Yay safety features!

But... could it maybe
UNlock when the car turns off?
Stuck, confused lisas ;_;

My car locks when started and unlocks when stopped. In this way, I get safe, locked doors while driving around, and when I stop the car, I don't end up yanking on the handle going "Gah, wtf?? Let me out!!" Maybe my rental behaves like it does because Memphis (alias: Sir Stabsalot) parking lots are extra dangerous? Probably it's just to confuse me.

On Building New Servers

2008-09-03T13:48:00.005-04:00

Provisioning does
not mean two months to apt-get
install ssh.

Seriously. Two months waiting on a freaking Debian server with ssh. This is not hard, guys. >_<

On Coding Style

2008-08-21T13:13:00.000-04:00

camelCasing or
Hungarian Notation -
many style options.

Merits and bitches
abound regarding each type:
endless pedantry.

The bottom line, though:
Lisas don't care, but for the
Love-- be consistent!

There were 4 methods in the class. One took a variable called eventid, one with a variable called EventId, one with a variable called eventID, and one with a variable called str_EventID.

On ineptitude

2008-08-19T14:12:00.001-04:00

*headdesk* Really, is
It THAT hard to comprehend
“add logging statements”?

I swear to god, it should not require a 30 minute conversation in response to the statement “Take this list of methods and add logging statements to them.” Have some freaking autonomy, dude ><

On Authentication

2008-08-12T16:22:00.003-04:00

Authentication
by ssh key is not
"bypassing," wanker.

The most boring training I've had the displeasure to sit through

2008-08-12T15:34:00.002-04:00

Given the choice 'twixt
Sex and SAS, the instructor
Would choose SAS, I think.

I wrote on the evaulation that he was clearly very knowlegable...but I kinda want those 2 days back.

On Development Environments

2008-08-12T12:07:00.001-04:00

Locking up for 10
minutes after completing
a build? So not cool.

Developing on a Virtual PC sucks. It's slow. Especially when Visual Studio locks up after every time I do a build, and completely crashes about 1 in 10 times I build my solution. Don't even get me started on how long it take to do a check-in -_-

Not so you can throw lightswitch raves!

2008-08-12T12:05:00.001-04:00

Trance songs: so much love!
But must you have such lengthy
intros and out-tros?

On bowing to the bureaucracy

2008-08-11T11:13:00.004-04:00

"Comply verbatim"
"A questioning attitude"
Which one will it be?

Faulty procedures
can't control all those gallons
of nuclear waste.

"Shut up, just do it,"
they say. We say--at least it's
on the other coast.

On my pervasive good luck

2008-08-11T10:45:00.003-04:00

Green flipchart marker
Exploded all over me
Hulk hands; do not want!

On fruits that shouldn't have seeds in them

2008-07-31T14:42:00.001-04:00

A sweet bite of grape,
rudely interrupted—CRUNCH!
Seeds make Lisas cry ;_;

On Database Normalization

2008-07-31T14:34:00.002-04:00

They say it is good
the normalized database,
but my eyes bleed JOINs.

On DNS

2008-07-29T17:35:00.003-04:00

named has been fooled.
Randomized source ports are key;
DJB was right.

Python sends too slow;
C raw sockets should work--Drat:
Metasploit beat me.

On CRC

2008-07-29T17:06:00.002-04:00

Database coders,
note: no schema should have fields
named CRC.

Seriously, guys? 1985 called, they want their checksum back. Putting a checksum of a field in the same table and then indexing said checksum...I lack words for how "you're doing it wrong" this is.

On copyrights

2008-07-29T12:03:00.000-04:00

Glorious hours
of words and tiles - gone for good.
Suck it, Hasboro.

I loaded up my scrabulous on facebook this morning to discover that Hasboro has finally managed to shut them down. Fuckers. I'm sooo not interested in trying out the Hasboro-built equivalent... and I'm super upset about losing all my old game records :( Rawr.

On DC Rudeness

2008-07-10T11:47:00.000-04:00

Wish I were a bitch –
I would have kicked that hussy
Who shoved on the train.

Or perhaps snidely
remark, “thanks, buddy!” when jerks
fail to hold the door.

My two biggest metro annoyances: stupid little bints who nearly knock you over as they push to get on the train in front of you, and people who can’t be bothered to hold the door for people behind them when leaving the station. Probably a little common courtesy would kill them.

2008-07-03T12:02:00.000-04:00

Seriously, guys?
Leaving ALL the coffee pots
Empty incites rage.

People in the DC office need to learn some freaking kitchen matters, yo.

On Crashing Browsers

2008-07-03T11:52:00.000-04:00

It’s not in the least
necessary to crash out
when closing, g-chat.

Every time I use g-chat through my gmail window in firefox and pop someone’s conversation out, firefox crashes when I try to close the gchat window. How annoying. Of course, if Pidgin would just quit fucking around and actually connect to Gchat here, I wouldn’t be having to use the stupid web interface, ANYway ><

On Passive-Aggressive Communication

2008-06-26T09:50:00.003-04:00

"We might want to try..."
You mean, "You try, then tell me."
Ditch that awkward shit!

This has been the e-mail conversation I've been having over the last two days.

Project manager: I think I found a bug.
Developer: We might want to document that.
Support: You mean, "I think support should document that," right?
Developer: Yeah, thanks.
Project manager: We might want to test it against another scenario, too.
Support: You mean, "I think support should test it against another scenario," right?
Project manager: You got it.